If you're reading this when it goes live… I’m in Florence on my honeymoon.
(Feel free to leave a commiserating message for my wife in the comments.)
Now let's ruin the mood by talking about divorce, eh?
More specifically, why money so often finds itself at the centre of it.
Now, despite what the headlines might suggest, money itself isn’t usually the real reason relationships fall apart. Not really.
Yes, around 40% of people identify arguments about money as a core reason for divorce.
But are those arguments really about pounds and pence alone?
I… don't think so.
I think they're more the result of a breakdown in the foundations of a healthy relationship.
Trust.
Communication.
Shared priorities.
Shared expectations.
Money doesn’t create the cracks.
It just makes them impossible to ignore.
By the time couples are arguing about money, they're arguing about way more than numbers.
That's why solving the financial problem probably doesn't solve the relationship problem.
The real issue was never really the bank statement.
It was how two people spoke about what was on it.
Or… didn't.
Can two people with entirely different financial values live happily together?
Yes. I really do believe so.
One person might naturally save every spare penny, while the other might believe spending on experiences is what life’s all about.
Neither is inherently right or wrong.
What matters is that they share a financial language.
A way of talking about money that helps each person understand where the other is coming from, even when they disagree.
I’m not saying every decision has to be 100% unanimous.
Rather, every decision should at least be understood.
You know why your partner feels a bit anxious about dipping into savings.
They know why you’d rather spend money making memories than locking it all away into investments.
At the end of the day, we’ve all been raised with different money habits, different philosophies, and been shaped by different experiences.
All of which influence our relationship with money long before we ever share a bank account with someone else.
Two people are not going to see money the exact same way.
That’s just unrealistic.
But understanding each other’s relationship with it?
We can all do that.
Ideally, that understanding needs to come before the arguments.
The best time to talk about money? When money isn't a problem yet.
Talk to them about what matters to you.
Talk about what you’re working towards.
Talk about what makes you feel secure.
Talk about the kind of life you’re trying to build together.
That’s how you develop that shared financial language.
And hopefully avoid me having to write a sequel about divorce.
Anyway, I should probably stop writing about divorce while I’m supposed to be packing for my honeymoon.
If you and your partner have different relationships with money, I’d love to hear how you make it work in the comments!
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Geez, yes. Shared financial languages. Differing worldviews on what money means. Communication on these things is so important. Early and often. It's difficult but quite spectacularly the lesser of two evils.
My wife and I had a very different background, knowledge and values about money when we started dating. During our first years together this caused quite some misunderstandings and discussions. Very happy that we could talk about it openly and find common financial goals. Also because she was open to learn about investing etc. she started to bettter understand and was seeing the huge potential as well. Only because of that we have already come so far in our FIRE journey. We still argue sometimes, but the values are mostly aligned and therefore it is never a real of longer issue.